apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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