I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
