Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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