The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
