you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
