FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
