I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
