Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's shark week go big or go home
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
