He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize