Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
