i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize