They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
