He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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