I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
