Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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