my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
God I need to hump something, right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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