I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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