I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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