His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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