I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
