I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize