So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize