what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
