Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How does one acquire holy water?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
