im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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