Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
