Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
