Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
