I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
