Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
