I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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