So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How does one acquire holy water?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
