We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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