I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize