my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
