Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
