did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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