I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
