I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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