sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
