No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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