I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
