His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
