I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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