The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
