I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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