Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
