girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
