I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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