fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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