I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
