he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
