I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
