I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
