I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
