Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
