everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
