how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
