Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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