you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
