do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize