Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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