took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
