i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
