I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
