i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
