dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
