So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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