He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
