I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
