I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
